I've found myself in a state of inbetween. I'm not happy, but i'm not sad either. I'm not at school, i'm home. I'm ok with being home, but I can't be myself when i'm here, I want to be at school. I'm making money, which I NEED but I don't have any time to chill out because of it.
I just want to be accepted. Those that understand me and my place to be myself is school. No one knows me or anything about me unless I choose to let them. So I can truly be myself, make of myself what I want, do what I want and make my life what I want it to be, not what everyone else says it should be. Yet, I find myself laying on my bed in my room at home. Which blows. I want to be back in the place where I have no rules or people to tell me what to do, when to do it and who have my life planned out before me, who don't let me make my own mistakes...
Right before I left for this hellishly long break I started to really figure out who I am, one of the BEST feelings in the world. However the feeling got ripped away when I had to come home. Just sitting here, constantly checking my email to see if i'm going to be allowed to have that feeling ever again it just hit me. I'll never be accepted for who I am.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
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