Sunday, August 26, 2007

having babies should be illegal!

Why... why why why why does everything like to tease me ... it all seems good and that it's going my way for once... and then all of a sudden boom! it all fucking blows up in my face.

So the day I moved in I was hanging out with my ex's brother .. when he leaves my phone rings with a number I don't know.. turns out he gave one of his friends my number because he's looking for a girl and he told him I'm cool or something... so I met the guy later that night and we hit it off right away. We went to the haunted bridge and everything was going awesome.. like beyond belief.. amazing.
So we decided to do something again the next day.. he came up to my dorm room and we hung out for a while.. it's taken me sooo long to find someone like him.. and I was literally in a constant euphoria.. when I blew out my tire yesterday, he was the one that put the spare on for me... I never thought I would find someone like him.. I really started to think I would never find anyone.. and then here he came.

We hung out again today before he went to work today too. But, when I got back to my room my phone rang and it was him. He told me that his ex girlfriend who he hasn't seen since april called him and said that she is pregnant with his child. Also, that if he doesn't support her and be with her that he'll have to pay child support...
He repeatedly apologized to me, and told me that everything will be ok.. that he cares for me alot and would never want to hurt me etc etc.. which didn't exactly make things better for me emotionally... I know It might sound retarded.. but it was like false hope.. It really hurts to think of what could have been. I know I don't know him all that well.. but it really feels like I have.. he treated me right for once I had a guy that wasn't a jackass and it was one of the best feelings ever.
He actually called, cared about how i was feeling, wanted to see me, to talk to me, to hold me etc.
and now it's all been ripped away from me.

Then he said we'll work something out.. he still wants me in his life, he doesn't want to let me go. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I knew it was too good to be true.... good stuff just isn't meant for me... don't contradict that statement fellow bloggers.. because the facts are right there.. nothing ever goes right for me. EVER.



To make matters even better.. he calls me and says he's going to louisville for the whole week next week and won't be back till saturday.. and he might be moving there after that to live with his sister...which means we can't talk hardly at all because he doesn't have money for long distance or the internet. FUCKING AWESOME!

God... I 've realized that my life is a constant spiral... I get a few days of false happiness maybe even euphoria.. and then it crashes down around me... one thing after another... I LOVE IT!

I give up. I give up on guys, ever being happy and it lasting, and on people in general. Life is all about working, working to buy shit that after like a week gets old.. so you have to buy more new things which in turn do the same thing.. you can't buy happiness... which really really sucks for people like me.. People that never have anything go their way.

I just don't understand why so so so many other people out there have it so much better... or how they cover so well?

if anyone knows any of these answeres or has any comments... humor me... I beg you.

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